


Photo

by mzboredasalways



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Merlin/Lee is hinted at
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 00:56:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3831214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mzboredasalways/pseuds/mzboredasalways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggsy hadn't meant to let curiosity get the best of him. How was he to know that the one picture he has ever known Merlin to own was of his father?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Photo

Eggsy almost crashed into a potted plant as he rounded a corner as fast he could. Why do they even have potted plants inside? He was going to have a talk with Harry, Arthur, about that. It really is a safety hazard. Especially when there is an agent running late to a meeting for the second time this month. The first time is forgivable, barely. A second time is unthinkable. Eggsy took a quick glance at his watch, if he kept at this pace he would have at least a moment to collect himself before the official start of the briefing. Eggsy knew that he was going to look entirely unprofessional going into the conference room. At this point he would rather be unprofessional than unpunctual.

Eggsy had meant to knock when he reached the conference room. It was the gentlemanly thing to do, even if he was invited before hand. However the clock in his head was ticking, so he just pushed opened the door. The force of the door sent Merlin's upper body lurching forward before the man pulled himself to a stop. Eggsy would have been impressed had the impact not sent Merlin's glasses flying.

There was a moment of complete silence. Eggsy felt himself freeze. Harry clears his throat, snapping Eggsy out of his shock.

"Merlin, I am so sorry," he said.

"It's fine, Galahad, just go receive my spare from my desk," Merlin said dismissively with a heavy sigh.

Eggsy turned and left immediately. He would count himself lucky if Merlin didn’t try to punish him with low level missions. Eggsy walked into Merlin's office trying not to disturb anything more than he had to, no reason to irk Merlin more. As meticulous as that man is, Eggsy is sure that he would be able to sense something being moved in his office.

Eggsy looked everywhere on the desk. He debated opening a drawer. Merlin was always working on something or other, and the last he needed was to break something important. Merlin did say 'from the desk'. After a deep sigh, Eggsy just opened the first drawer on the right. He felt like doing a victory dance when he saw the glasses sitting pristine on top of a few manila folders. He grabbed the glasses and moved to close the drawer, when he saw what looked like the edge of a Polaroid photo. He tried to fight his curiosity, he really did. Merlin wasn’t one for photos. He said he was more a video guy, which took all of Eggsy's will power not to giggle at. Even Roxy had given him a warning look.

Giving into temptation, Eggsy pulled the photo carefully from the stack of papers. This couldn’t be what he thought it was. He stared long at the photo, trying to make it something other than what it was. It was his father. Why would Merlin have a photo of his father in his desk? How does Merlin have a photo of his father that he's never seen before.

Eggsy couldn’t help but study the photo. He had every other picture of his dad memorized, he never wanted to forget him when he was younger. Lee looked a bit other here than in any other picture he had seen at home. Eggsy knew this must have been taken while he was training at Kingsman. Something didn’t sit right with Eggsy. Merlin having a photo of Lee in his drawer wasn’t normal.

"Are you planning on returning any time soon, Galahad," Harry asked through his glasses.

"On my way Ha-Arthur," Eggsy said quickly.

Without a second thought, Eggsy put the picture of his dad in his breast pocket, grabbed Merlin's spare glasses and went back to the conference room.

Eggsy walked into the room more calmly.

"Thank you, Galahad," Merlin said taking his glasses.

Eggsy took his seat to the right of Harry. Eggsy really did try to pay attention to the briefing, but he felt the picture burning a hole in his pocket.

"Right, so that will be it for now gentlemen, I will keep you updated on his whereabouts," Merlin concluded.

Harry nodded and stood, Eggsy following suit. Merlin was working on his clipboard, already knowing that Harry and Eggsy would leave and probably get something to eat.

"You go ahead," Eggsy said stopping short of the door.

Harry looked at him confused. Eggsy couldn’t really blame him, but now wasn’t a time for explanations. He gave Harry a look at waved him off. Harry frowned, but nodded and left. Eggsy knew that Harry knew he would explain things later.

"Merlin," Eggsy said turning back to him.

"Yes, Galahad," Merlin asked not showing the confusion Eggsy was sure he was feeling.

Merlin and Eggsy had a good relationship, but it was something other than a friendship. They have shared some deep demons over the years. Eggsy leaned on Merlin as some sort of father figure in trying times. Every time, though, they always managed to bounce back to a professional relationship. Merlin and Eggsy were alike in that way, they like to vent and let it drop. It's why Merlin was able to open up to Eggsy that one night, where things got too real. It was beneficiary for both of them.

With all that they've been through together, Eggsy felt kind of hurt that this photo never came up. Actually the topic of Lee only came up when Eggsy initiated it. And it was only Eggsy who spoke of him, Merlin never offered any information.

"We should head somewhere more private," Eggsy said giving the room a sweep.

Eggsy knew that all the rooms here had heavy surveillance. After what happened with the last Arthur, everyone agreed that pure trust in one person like they had in Chester, was out of date. However, there were two bug free rooms.

"Is everything alright," Merlin asked not moving from his spot.

Eggsy's eyes zoomed in on Merlin's slightly tightened grip on his clipboard.

"Merlin, please," Eggsy said feeling like he had a ten pound weight on his chest.

Merlin looked at Eggsy for another moment before nodding. Eggsy noted that Merlin's grip on his clipboard never lessened. It didn’t bother Eggsy, he understood. Everyone here is a trained killer, and surprisingly predictable. At least at headquarters, everyone had their routines. If the situation were reversed, Eggsy would be on edge too.

When they reached fitting room #2 Eggsy opened the door and motioned for Merlin to go in first.

"Make sure, no one interrupts us," Eggsy said to the man at the desk.

"Yes, Sir," he said with a nod.

Eggsy closed the door behind him and faced Merlin. Merlin had his back to the mirror and was facing Eggsy with his arms crossed over his clipboard. Eggsy almost smiled, for all he knew, Merlin tricked out his clipboard and it was as deadly as the umbrella.

"So are you going to explain what we are doing," Merlin asked in, what Eggsy guessed was supposed to be, a nonchalant way.

Eggsy honestly would have believed it, if he didn’t know the man standing in front of him as well as he did.

Eggsy didn’t say anything as he reached into his breast pocket. Eggsy held up his other hand to Merlin when he saw the man tense up. Slowly and not breaking eye contact he took out the photo. He held it out to Merlin wordlessly. Merlin reached out, but his hand dropped.

"Where did, how did you," Eggsy watched as the normally controlled Scotsman struggle to find his words.

"I want to know why you have this photo of my father tucked away in a drawer," Eggsy said ignoring Merlin's ill-formed question.

Merlin didn’t answer. Eggsy could practically see the cogs turning in the man's head. Normally he would let Merlin find his words. Today was anything but normal.

"Tell me now," Eggsy said trying to keep his voice even.

"It's honestly not what you think Eggsy," Merlin said carefully as he placed the clipboard on the side table and holding his hands up in surrender.

Eggsy suddenly felt like the room was smaller than it was a moment ago. All the thoughts that Eggsy pushed to the back of his head fought their way to the front. There were so many possibilities as to why Merlin would have his father's photo tucked away. But one was screaming at him and he felt like he couldn’t think of anything else.

"Now, Merlin," Eggsy said trying not to sound like he barely had any air in his lungs.

Merlin lowered his hands but didn’t look like he was saying anything any time soon. Eggsy didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, but that nagging voice was getting louder and louder, begging to be heard.

"Were you having an affair with my father," Eggsy finally asked, making the voice stop.

"No," Merlin said quickly.

"Then what was it," Eggy dragged a frustrated hand through his hair, "from where I'm standing that is exactly what it was like."

"Eggsy, you've got to listen to me," Merlin said softly.  
"Then start talking Merlin, I'm losing my patience," Eggsy said crossing his arms.

"Okay," Merlin sighed. "We were," Merlin let out a frustrated laugh, "it's been almost 20 years and I still don’t know what we were. It's pathetic. I've never had to explain this out loud, I don’t know what to say. Your father was a good man, faithful husband, he would have been a damn good agent, if not the best ¾ "

"That doesn’t explain anything," Eggsy said cutting him off.

"I," Merlin took a deep breath, "I loved him, Eggsy. I didn’t mean to, I tried not to. I knew it was wrong. He was married to your mother and he loved her very much, and you. Never stopped talking about you," Merlin's face soften for a moment then he started talking and it went neutral, "We got close, he was a lot like you, a natural, but with a knack for computers. He was interested in learning what my job was, so he spent more time with me than he did with Harry. I really didn’t mean to. It came out one day, to this day I still don't know what prompted me to tell him. I didn’t mean to tell him, but he said he felt the same way."

Eggsy stared at Merlin in shock, the photo fell from his hands, but he couldn’t move. Finally getting feeling back in his legs, he moved to leave, he didn’t want to hear anymore. He didn’t think he could handle anymore. Every thought of his father was shattered in moments.

"Wait," Merlin moved quickly and blocked the door. "He said he felt the same way, but there was nothing that could make him leave you or your mother. No matter how much he felt he could love me, he would never leave you without a father or Michelle without a husband. I'm sorry that this even came up," Merlin finished moving from in front of the door.

Eggsy stared at the sad man in front of him. Merlin started shifting from foot to foot. It was strange to see him this way. Eggsy had seen him angry, sad, drunk, but never guilty. It actually shocked Eggsy when he put a word to the look on Merlin's face. He may not have known Merlin for long, but guilt was something he was sure Merlin didn’t feel very often. Every time Merlin accidentally made eye contact with him, Eggsy felt his heart lurch. It didn’t make him feel good making Merlin uncomfortable. Then something hit Eggsy.

"You were on that mission, weren't you," Eggsy asked breaking the long silence.

The full details of his father's death were never given to him. Not even as a full agent. He tried many times to get Harry as Arthur to tell him. Then he tried to get Harry to tell him, all to no avail. The only information he ever got was that it was during his father's training, Harry had missed something and his father saved everyone's life. Harry always got this look in his eyes when Eggsy brought it up, so after a while he stop asking.

"Yes, I was on that mission," Merlin said simply.

"You saw him die."  
"Yes," Merlin said with a shaky sigh.

"I'm sorry," Eggsy said after a beat.

Merlin let out an incredulous laugh, it was bordering maniacal, "What do you have to be sorry for?"

"You loved him and you saw him die. Whenever I miss him, I only have happy memories to fall back on. When you miss him, the image of him, dead, probably always sneaks up on you. That must be hard," Eggsy said.

Eggsy saw so many emotions flash before Merlin's eyes, until they settled on relief.

"I'm glad we had this talk," Eggsy bent down to pick up the photo. "Here," he held it out to Merlin.

"Keep it," Merlin said gently pushing Eggsy's hand back.

They stared at each other. Eggsy no longer felt like the room was getting smaller. It actually felt airier. Things felt peaceful again. Merlin suddenly cleared his throat. He fixed his suit, erasing any evidence of fidgeting.   
"Have a good day, Galahad," Merlin said giving Eggsy a small smile before leaving the room.

Eggsy stayed in the room to collect himself. He looked at the mirror and made sure that he looked presentable. Then he looked at the photo. His father was smiling up at him. Eggsy had a million more questions, but for now he needed to go home.


End file.
